Top 10 TLC Reality Shows for 2014

10. Help! I’m a Teenage Crackhead – Join Scissor and his plucky friends as they roam the streets of Hollywood committing petty crime and giving beejers for small bills.

9. Eight Husbands and Counting – Sandra is a polyandrist living in Las Vegas. A sober and dignified look at this rare practice.

8. My Son Is Pregnant & So Am I

7. Here Comes Octomom

6. Schizophrenic in the City – We put seven schizophrenics in a loft in New York City, take away their medication and lock all of the exits.

5. Welcome to Toledo

4. Suburban Pimp – Da’quan left Atlanta two years ago and moved his thriving business to Urbandale, Iowa. Watch the hilarious culture shock as Da’quan recruits his “hos” and tries to find a place to cash their food stamps.

3. My 600 Pound Greek Wife

2. King of Haggis

And the number one reality show beginning in 2014 on TLC is…

1. Amish Bigfoot – Temptations surround Sasquatch as he spends Rumspringa in sunny Miami Beach. Pretend that you’re learning something about another culture and not watching a phony, exploitative soap opera as he hangs out on the beach with attractive women in bikinis and gets sloppy drunk on mojitos.

Provoked by this show on TLC.