Whether the citizens of Detroit elect their first white mayor in forty years by voting in Mike Duggan or whether they elect Wayne County Sheriff Benny Napolean, the results will likely be the same. Both men received money from different groups of unions and both are Democrats, so Detroit’s woes are not likely to go away any time soon. Blackmailers Don’t Shoot has a history of boldly endorsing political candidates who aren’t even aware that they are running for office, so today we endorse Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for Mayor of Detroit.
In spite of the fact that Ford is a pudgy white dude, he would make a great addition to the line of Detroit politics in keeping with the tradition of Kwame Kilpatrick. In May we mentioned that Ford was denying the existence of a video in which he was smoking crack, but today he admitted to using the drug “Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago[.]”
Ford’s driver, Alexander Lisi, has been charged with extortion and is being investigated for drug trafficking, which is why Toronto police won’t release the video as it’s part of an ongoing investigation.
The good mayor’s most public advocate is his older brother Doug, who also happens to be on the City Council and is blasting Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair for calling on the mayor to step down. saying that Blair “wanted to go out and put a political bullet right between the mayor’s eyes.”
If the people of Detroit can look past Rob Ford’s face and see just how fitting he is to be their chief executive, Detroit will still be a bankrupt, crime-ridden hellhole, but the city will once again be able to do it in style.
Update: Reblogged at Aewl’s Abode.