In these difficult times it is crucial that the people rise up and choose the leaders that will finally fight for them. That is why Blackmailers Don’t Shoot is urging former porn star Mary Carey (aka Mary Ellen Cook) to run for mayor of New York City against Anthony Weiner. We normally don’t involve ourselves in elections outside of California, but the crisis in New York politics has reached a point that could have national implications. Also, Ms. Carey ran for governor of California in 2003, but we voted in a roided out Austrian monkey instead. Blackmailers Don’t Shoot is of the opinion that while California is not worth saving, New York might be. This post is a call to action with three purposes. First, to convince Ms. Carey to run for mayor. Second, to convince the people of New York to vote for her. Third, to mock Anthony Weiner.
Without further ado, here is a list of reasons why New York City should elect Mary Carey instead of Anthony Weiner. Links are safe for work. If you want to see the really good stuff you’ll have to Google it.
1. Let’s clear the elephant out of the room.
Here is Mary Carey’s IMDb page, which lists her mainstream work and a most likely incomplete list of her porn work. Now I could go all Jesus here about not casting the first stone and turning the cheek and all that, but instead I’m going to talk realpolitik. Pretty much every morally questionable thing that Ms. Carey has done is well documented and information is readily available online. It’s all pretty much out there in the open for anyone to inquire about and find quick answers.
Conversely, do you know how many pictures of Little Tony are out there? We don’t, and guarantee you that Anthony Weiner doesn’t. Hell, we’ve never even talked to the guy and we checked our phones a couple times today just to see if he’d sent us anything. Now imagine that Anthony Weiner gets elected and three weeks into his term some young female Democratic activist in Pensacola starts talking to The Daily Beast and it turns out that Weiner was sending all manner of junk pics to her cell phone the day he gave his little speech. Scandal! Heartache! We just don’t know how many girlfriends, real or imagined, that Anthony Weiner has out there on the Internet.
Mary Carey is simply a classier pseudonym than Carlos Danger (or Anthony Weiner for that matter.)
3. Real World Experience.
Mary Carey has been in adult film, as well as a season on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew and Sober House. In other words, she has worked in the private sector. Contrast that with Anthony Weiner, who has worked his entire adult life in government. Whether or not you like Ms. Carey’s career choices, she hasn’t spent her life on the government dole.
Blackmailers Don’t Shoot also believes that Weiner’s lack of real world experience has contributed to his problems. He had no clue that by hitting the “tweet” button he was blasting out a pic of his dinger to the entire world. If Ms. Carey did something like that from Gracie Mansion, we have no doubt that it would have been on purpose.
4. Who would look better at a press conference?
New York City has been run by dudes for too long. Time for some diversity.
As a Democrat, Anthony Weiner’s main job as mayor would be to appease city workers and occasionally say something about abortion or gay marriage. Since the state is already run by mini-Castro Andrew Cuomo, most of the liberal bases are already covered, leaving the mayor of New York City to sign lucrative contracts to city employees wherein they are paid more to do less work.
Mary Carey’s 2003 gubernatorial platform included making lap dances a tax-deductible business expense. After all these years of Michael Bloomberg, the good people of New York could use some fun.
7. Porn is more reputable than politics.
As mentioned earlier, Anthony Weiner has spent his entire adult life in politics. Whatever people may think of porn, would you rather buy a used car from someone in porn or a politician? Who would be more likely to spend your money in an irresponsible manner? In which profession would a person be more likely to tweet out junk photos and then shamelessly and obviously lie about it?
Remember, one of these professions involves drugs, illicit sex, rampant misogyny, prostitution, and racketeering. The other is people having sex on camera.
Update: Linked at Regular Right Guy. I stand by my endorsement.
Update 2: Reblogged by Mike G. Thanks!
Update 3: Holy cow! Welcome Mary Carey fans! The intern who got Ms. Carey’s real name wrong has been shot repeatedly.