Definitely not by Robin Abcarian
July 14, 2013 | 11:00 AM
As I watched CNN on this warm Sunday morning while sipping my third mojito, I had a sudden revelation: the Los Angeles Times does not pay me enough to write this column. Between the emotional distress of writing about that evil racist George Zimmerman and the plaintive guitar chords played over Cory Monteif’s memorial, I will be unable to leave my couch for the remainder of the day. While this will not interfere with my job as a journalist for the Times, it does mean that I will be unable to go to the bathroom, feed myself or refill my drink.
As if my job wasn’t difficult enough, after I gently chided some rube on Twitter yesterday I was ruthlessly mocked by an unwashed horde. There was a time when the masses understood that a hard-working journalist commanded a certain amount of respect. Do these people comprehend how many hours I read TMZ before coming to the agonizing conclusion that Alec Baldwin is a swell guy? Or how many Daily Kos diaries I read before concluding that Christians are backward and stupid? The work that I perform makes Woodward and Bernstein look like hacks.
Due to the stress and difficulty of my job, I can only conclude that the Los Angeles Times is taking part in unfair labor practices. Therefore, I am going on strike from watching Piers Morgan until the Times offers me higher compensation and hazard pay. When I became a journalist, I never signed on to dealing with real people.