May 21, 2013
Tarzana, CA – Signalling that they want no change in local government, the residents of Los Angeles today elected a soulless union puppet as their mayor.
At a press conference, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa welcomed the puppet to its new role in the city’s government.
“I’d like to…ahh…heh…welcome my…ahh…” said Villaraigosa, who had recently been spotted snorting cocaine with a prostitute.
“Thank you Mayor Villaraigosa, for your kind words. It’s clear to us all now that when the good people of Los Angeles have a choice between being bled dry by the United Teachers of Los Angeles and by the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, they can be trusted to make the right decision,” said the Mayor Elect. “And I make it my solemn promise that on my first day I will authorize raises for all city workers, and I also promise that there is no pothole that my administration will not ignore.”
The Mayor Elect is scheduled to visit Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles tomorrow.